When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
