You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
