Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
