I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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