oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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