You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
