Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
