So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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