You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
