I'm drive I can fine osifer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
