Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
