she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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