So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
