Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
