I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize