i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
