Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
