I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
