no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
