South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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