Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize