Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was like giving head to a cactus.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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