i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk is not a location!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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