I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
