from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize