why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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