Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize