That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
