He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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