yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
