don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
