i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
