i barfeds in our rink
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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