All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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