If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
