ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
