Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
