Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
