i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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