you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
