Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
