He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
