Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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