worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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