i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
