I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
