The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
