did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize