just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
