yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
