i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He felt like a one man threesome
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize