no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
