In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Having a random hookup so left but love u
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
