ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
