Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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