Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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