the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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