I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
