I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
