i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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