i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
