The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
