I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
