I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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