Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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