all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
