perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I party with great urgency now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
