dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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