come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
