Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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