i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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