You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she peed on how many people?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
