people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
