Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
