I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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