i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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