I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
