I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize