Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
