Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
