At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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