Duck Duck Cougar?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
