'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
