So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Mom said you looked used
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize