nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
