I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
