did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
