Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
