All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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