Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
