yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
