you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize