I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
