I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
