Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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