96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
