3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
