Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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