dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
