Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize