So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
