she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
