just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
