i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
